The Four R’s

Reality, recognition, responsibility, and respect. The four R’s of building team unity and harmony. Everyone, at some point, has felt there to be an inequality in the workload at their respective workplace. This is not a new hot button issue but rather one that predates civilization itself.

It’s human nature to perceive our own work and contributions as more important and significant than that of others. But we have to ask ourselves: Are my feelings grounded in reality or simply my perspective? Am I recognizing what my teammates contribute and do I feel like my own work is valued? Do I take responsibility for my own work and could I spend less time worrying about others? Do I respect my peers and management, directly and indirectly?

Separating yourself from the Story: Reality vs. Perception

My practice manager recently attended our company’s national field leadership conference. Upon returning, she introduced us to one of their learning points: Separate yourself from the story. That is, learning to differentiate between the facts of a situation and our perception, or story, around that situation.

Sarah Chauncey breaks this down even further in her article “How to Separate Facts from Stories” at Living the Mess: Inner Peace for Overthinkers. In this article, when talking about why we create these stories, whether positive or negative, she says:

Because, ego. The ego likes to feel separate and superior, and nothing creates separation and superiority more than passing judgment on another person or situation.

To give an example, one day at work you notice a coworker is quiet and not very talkative. So, you tell yourself “They’re not talking to me so they must not like me.” In this scenario, the story you’ve told yourself is that this coworker doesn’t like you. The fact is that at that moment in the day they’re quiet and not talkative. Maybe this person hasn’t had their coffee yet. They might be hyper-focused on their work. They could be shy and have difficulty in social settings. Or maybe they’re dealing with something at home and their mind is still on that. The truth is, the fact is, we can’t know all the details around a situation. So, we create a story to fill in the blanks.

Another scenario would be thinking someone is lazy or doesn’t do as much work as you. Unless you’re following that person around all day, this is not something you can know. Perhaps they approach tasks differently than you. Maybe they’re completing work that you don’t see. Those would be the facts. Anything else is simply a story you’re telling yourself.

Seeing all the Working Parts: Recognizing and Being Recognized

Once you learn to see the facts over the story, you’ll begin seeing the big picture. When we find ourselves unhappy with a particular coworker or with our workplace in general, this can be for one of two reasons. You focus too much on your own contributions and don’t recognize what others are doing. This, inevitably, leads to you perceiving an imbalance in the workload. You may also feel that others are not recognizing what you’re accomplishing.

The old proverb “they can’t see the forest for the trees” sums this up nicely. When you learn to see the team as a whole, you begin to recognize all the individual contributions. In other words, all the working parts. But when you can’t see past your own work, how can you possibly judge someone else? Furthermore, if you refuse to recognize someone else’s contributions, can you really get upset when you yourself aren’t recognized?

You may be a particularly neat and organized person. Another team member may be more detail oriented. Yet another might be a rock star when it comes to ingenuity. Separately, each of these traits can be useful. Together, they are invaluable.

By recognizing, publicly, the value that everyone brings to a team, we can strengthen the bonds of unity within that team. And when we can do that, we create harmony, and a much healthier work environment for everyone.

Minding your own Business: Responsibility

We’ve pretty much been hearing it our entire lives in one form or another.

“Don’t worry about what little Timmy’s doing, worry about your own work.”

“Eyes on your own paper.”

“You should be more concerned with your own job.”

There’s a reason these sayings cross every age, generation, and culture. Humans are nosy. It’s easier to draw attention to the perceived shortcomings of others than it is to focus inward on ourselves. Everyone knows the song “Man in the Mirror” by Michael Jackson.

If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.

Spiritual gurus and psychologists have literally made their livings off of teaching introspection. For we can’t change others, no matter how hard we try. But we can change ourselves. We can take responsibility for our own actions. For our own work.

Nitpicking on the work of others only distracts from completing our own tasks. It can also make for an undesirably fractured team, and thusly a potentially hostile work environment. Conversely, when we learn to focus on our own work, and take responsibility for our own actions, we can all begin to improve.

Be Kind in Words and Deeds: Respect

I trust by this point in the article you can see how each of these snowballs into the next. By seeing the reality of a situation, we learn to take responsibility for our own actions and recognize the value in others. The final outcome is an almost passive respect for ourselves and for others.

In every interaction, whether direct or indirect, we could all learn to be kinder and more considerate. Some people wear their emotions on the outside but others have learned to mask how they’re feeling. All too often, when we talk about someone we don’t know if they can overhear or if our words will be repeated. We don’t know how someone’s feeling or what they may be dealing with before or after our words are spoken.

Everyone is on their own path, with their own hopes and dreams at the end of that path. Whether a business owner, a manager, or a team member, we all need each other to help us accomplish our goals. And regardless of how far along we are on our path, we’ve all worked hard to get where we are. We need to start seeing each other for our accomplishments. Once we do that it should not only be an expectation, but the standard, to approach each other with all due respect.